Trainings AKA Where I learn to Hate People More

24 Sep


I have this series out out-of-town trainings for my college program and they are the flippin worst and what really chafes my balls is I don’t learn all that much. Mostly I walk away thinking all people are jerks and that I just lost 3 days of my life. You wanna know why? I’m good with retaining knowledge and applying it so I spend most of time waiting for folks to catch up, listening to reviews of topic I don’t need, or people’s stupid ass questions cause they weren’t paying attention. Mass trainings are geared to the lowest common denominator and those of us who can process information are left to have a shitty experience. The slow pace frustrates me and then I become angry because it feels like I’m being punished for being competent. Why do I have to accommodate morons?!?!?!?!

Then you have the other people in the room who apparently were never told how to act in public or like adults. DON’T POP YOUR FUCKING GUM!!!! If you can’t chew gum without popping then don’t chew it. It is rude and unprofessional and MFing annoying. Also, if your going to play on your phone, talk to your neighbor, or other such nonsense during instructions then you shouldn’t be able to hold up the whole class because you don’t know what’s going on. Pay attention or suck at your job, seems fair to me.

Nugget of Awesomeness: Basically I see everyone else in the room as those wacky, waving tube men just flailing about with no purpose. How about we stop catering training to the dumbest person in the room and at least meet in the middle because you are not helping anyone by setting expectations that low.

Moratorium on Nazis and 60s cultural icons

23 Dec


Some fucktard congressional representative compared the duck dynasty dipshit who’s a blatant homophobe to Rosa Parks. Let that sink in for a second…Now that your brain has rebooted after crashing from trying to process that much stupid, let’s discuss.

Nah! I am not going to justify this bullshit with and argument against it. Dude is just wrong. End of story. Instead I would like to take this time to call for a change in the public discourse, one that is long over due.

1. All comparison to 60s political or social icons need to stop. I don’t care who is doing it, it stops now. Non of the shit-bags in Congress or on reality television are of any comparisons to these great people. When you make these baseless comparisons you dishonor their memory and make yourself look like fool with no grasp of history or general concepts of reality. I can say the sloppy shit I took this morning is a modern day JFK but that doesn’t make it so and that statement lines up with the  kind of comparison we are getting these days.

2. When you disagree with someone stop calling them Nazi, Fascist,or Socialist. Let’s be honest that half (over half…2/3…alright, basically ALL) of the people who use this as a go-to insult don’t know what any of those things mean. It’s also just so unabashedly lazy. “you don’t feel the way I feel, NAZI.” Wow, what a well thought out argument. You do it for shock value and to take the debate straight into the throwing poop level of discourse. How about everyone put on their grown up pants(that includes you, major news outlets!!!) and try having an actual debate. Present a point and then back it up with out resorting to name calling.

As point of clarification, being called a Socialist isn’t an insult. My political views lean heavily towards Socialism. Why? Glad you asked. We will always have government, it will always exist in American. It is a necessity and I recognize that. I want that government to benefit everyone, including myself, not just those at the top (which is our current system). 

Nugget of Awesomeness: I get that our public discourse is fucked and driven by buzz words and propaganda. I’m not a dummy. But can we at least bring it up to just above the level of: Laziest Fuckery Ever. Aim high people and maybe we can make it to level: Just Dumb-Now with less Nazis.

Confession Goulash- Boobs Edition

16 Aug


I once competed for the title of Sausage Queen. My talent was shoving a beer in my cleavage, hands free pouring it into a glass and then chugging the beer. A female friend motor-boated my dewy, beer boobs as a finale. Some how I lost the competition. Humanity FAIL.

Confession Ghoul-ashe #5

2 Aug


When I’m at a restaurant and get 2 sides with a dish I want to order french fries AND mashed potatoes but I don’t. I’m afraid people will judge my insane love of potatoes so I order green-beans or salad instead. 

Confession Goggly-goop #4

25 Jul


I’ve had multiple sex dreams about Drew Carey. And not skinny Drew Carey, it was Fat Drew Carey. And not gross sex dreams like super hott sex dreams.

Confession Goulash #3

19 Jul

golf club

When I was a kid I ripped the roof of my mouth off with a broken golf club. You know all those bumps and ridges you have on the roof of you mouth?? I don’t have them.

Confession Goulash #2

18 Jul


I once had a lengthy conversation among friends about the difference between double stuff and double penetration. The answer…..

  • Double stuff = 2 dicks, 1 hole
  • Double penetration= 2 dicks, 2 holes

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