…sucky but awesome. Yes- at first it will feel like your heart was ripped out through your asshole or nose or ear, what ever orifice sounds most painful to you. Or, if you are the dumpee, yes-you will feel a severe amount of guilt and pangs of possible regret at first. It’s the withdrawal of the familiar that is effing with you and that is all.
I had this boyfriend who was such a jerk he made me physically sick. No really, he caused me so much stress that I began to get light headed. This was caused by my circulatory system being out of whack and blood pooling in my legs and not getting to my brain. And it was all due to stress, stress caused by him being a self centered baby about everything and making me feel like I failed him all the time. (Someday I will write a post on why you should never date a guy who wants you to help him trust women again and it will be dedicated to that exbf) How do I know it was his fault? It went away when I broke up with him but not before a whole slew of medical tests, a misdiagnosis and a cardiologist trying to shame me into taking zombie drugs.
Obviously it wasn’t all this guys fault, I was freakin miserable and I should have broken up with him sooner. (Side note: I was going to break it off with him several months before I did but he had a seizure (he’s epileptic) and it made me reconsider the situation.)
When I finally dumpity-dumped…let’s call him, Mr. Selfcentered I was miserable in that pathetic, shitty, sad poetry is how I feel way. Think along the lines of “I’m so sad it hurts to breath.” It was awful and included a backslide into sleeping with the ex territory. I make bad decisions sometimes. Oddly, I was still totally in love with this shitbag who was such a jerk he wouldn’t hang out at my apt (around the corner from his) because I didn’t have cable. This fucker who when I threw my back out helping him move a couch told me he though I was being a baby about it. This guy who….um… never mind. I could do this for hours but I won’t.
Back to my point. I know consider breaking up with him to be one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am proud of myself for doing it. I was in love with him but I trusted that the feeling I had deep down that something was wrong was the thing I should listen to. And after the brief weepy, sad time my life became better than it had ever been.
I went to Greece for the most bad-ass, life affirming, relaxing, drunken cheese-pie eating, fun time in my entire life. I would kill any of you for the chance to go back…ANY OF YOU. I started jogging and participated in Hell Run (twice). I went spelunking for the first time. I tried some serious rafting. I fell in love my hot glue gun and all the things in can make, favorite being mustaches on a stick. I tried making DIY beauty stuff, that was filled with success and failure. Basically, I gave a shit about myself. And none of this would have happened with my ex-boyfriend around. He would have held me back and I deserve better than that. So do you.
Nugget of Awesomeness: I now have a super fantastic boyfriend because I dumped that shitty one. Because when you stay with someone who isn’t right for you the only thing you accomplish is preventing yourself from meeting someone who is truly right for you. Celebrate your break-ups for what they are, proof that you and your partner are just not gonna work. Move on and move up. Raise the bar and make that next partner truly spectacular. But remember to get a little sexy make-out from strangers in between ;)