Listening to music recently I heard a song that always sends me back to some contemplative, end-game times with my exbf. The song talks about a love the ends without a happy ending, a love that existed but then just fell apart. I remember listening to the song during the slow and stupid demise of my last relationship and thinking “is that us, are we just gonna stop, no happy ending?”
No freakin shit we were headed for break-up!! Our relationship sucked. And in the back of my mind I knew, just like a I always know, that is wasn’t gonna work. Which is why I think of coming to terms with a break-up not as realizing you shouldn’t be with a person but as accepting what you knew from the start. I can’t speak for anyone else but most of my relationships consisted of me ignoring all the wrongs to make it right…and to continue getting laid on a consistent basis. Lets not ignore this obvious fact of the massive amount of lies a lady will tell herself in order to justify banging that mean dude just because he gives the good dick. Truth!
But my biggest-est-est mistake of all, and by golly there were a lot of them, was letting my ex (lets call him “Sir Whines-a-lot”) judge me by the actions of his ex-gf. It’s sooooo mf-ing cliche but he had an ex that he was totally in love with who cheated on him and it ruined him. He also claimed that his friends and family never “had his back” (lies) and he didn’t know what it was like to really trust someone (more lies). I know, I know!!!! I realize how lame that shit is and I am ashamed of myself for not punching him in the face when I heard it. Cause punches to the face are a fix-all problem solver.
Instead I believed not that I could fix him but that he couldn’t ignore my awesomeness. He would have to except at some point that I was the bee’s knees and his faith in women and humanity would be restored. My girlfriend powers being of super hero proportions.
What actually happened was I was way too nice and accommodating and he took me for granted. And once I became aware of what was happening it was too late to change it. The thing I didn’t factor in was that I was basically saying “sure, you can work your bullshit out on me.” Which doesn’t lead to someone having more respect for you it leads to them not giving a fuck about you. All I did was give him the free range to always believe he was more important. I was a girlfriend superstar but in his mind I was only breaking even cause I started with the shitty ex-girlfriend deficit.
And this is how it is always going to end in these types of situations. Contrary to just about any romantic conflict you see on any tv/movie/commercial/what-not, there is no respect to be won by giving someone the freedom to be a dick to you. That’s is essentially what you do when you allow a boyfriend to work his past shit out on the present you. No one, be it boyfriend, best-friend super-friend or family has the right to judge you by anything but your actions.
The funniest thing with Sir Whines-a-Lot was he ended up treating me exactly the way he hated being treated by everyone else. I could never count on him, he didn’t “have my back” and he was selfish and placed no value on what I wanted. Giving him the opportunity to “work his issues out” only allowed him to take out all his agnst on me. FOR SHIT I DIDN’T DO!!!!
Nugget of Awesomeness: This falls into the don’t settle category of relationship advice. Don’t settle for a dude that isn’t judging you for you. We have all been threw some shit but at a certain point you need to get over it and act like a fucking adult. I’m not saying that you should demand that a dude treat you the way you deserve to be treat I’m saying you should EXPECT it. If you have to demand it then he’s not worth it. Don’t try to fix him or make him see the woman can be trusted. Ain’t gonna happen. Dump him and find a guy who can treat you right. When a relationship is good it feels easy. As always, keep on fuckin 😉