I once competed for the title of Sausage Queen. My talent was shoving a beer in my cleavage, hands free pouring it into a glass and then chugging the beer. A female friend motor-boated my dewy, beer boobs as a finale. Some how I lost the competition. Humanity FAIL.
When I’m at a restaurant and get 2 sides with a dish I want to order french fries AND mashed potatoes but I don’t. I’m afraid people will judge my insane love of potatoes so I order green-beans or salad instead.
I’ve had multiple sex dreams about Drew Carey. And not skinny Drew Carey, it was Fat Drew Carey. And not gross sex dreams like super hott sex dreams.
When I was a kid I ripped the roof of my mouth off with a broken golf club. You know all those bumps and ridges you have on the roof of you mouth?? I don’t have them.
I once had a lengthy conversation among friends about the difference between double stuff and double penetration. The answer…..
- Double stuff = 2 dicks, 1 hole
- Double penetration= 2 dicks, 2 holes
When I see a Book of the Month sign my inner monologues sings ♪ It’s the book of the month ♪ to the tune of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony’s “First of the Month.”