Tag Archives: Equality

Where’s my second base??

20 Apr


Insert perverted tickle-me-elmo joke here.


Baseball metaphors are popular when dealing with sex, first and home are agreed upon, first base is kissing and home base is fuckey time. Some definitions say second base is under or over the shirt and third base is hands down the pants. Others consider second base to be groping of any sort and third base is sex of the oral variety. For the sake of my argument I will be using the first definition cause it supports what I’m going to say

 My question is….”Where’s my second base?” As a straight lady the chances I’m going to fondle some male tittay and get a positive response are slim. Don’t get me wrong, some dudes are totally into that but they are a small percentage and it’s not generally a good idea to pull that trick out to early.

But if you are just starting to get seksi with a boy you’re options, as a lady, to progress the situation are as follows. Kissing to wang touching. That is a giant leap to me. Boys get a nice middle ground with the boob grab but we have to go straight to the danger zone. Cause we all know that when junk is touched it creates a more critical sexual situation. And in my experience, once you grab wang sex is expected.

Sure they’ll say it’s cool if you decide you don’t want to or aren’t ready yet but in their mind they are thinking “Damn, why would you touch it if you weren’t ready to fuck.” True story.

And before anyone throws out oral sex as an option I’d like to point out that putting a weiner in my mouth is not the same as grabbin a boob. They are not the same level, sexually. And I like to not have my first encounter with a dudes spam javelin to be closely staring at its veiny underside. I’m prudish like that.

 I want something to do to a man that is the equivalent of playing with a ladies funbags. I want some sexual base indicator that lets a dude know I’m into him but he’s not getting the sexy-time but is also more than just making-out.

Nugget of Awesomeness: Per the usual, I want some more options. I ask a lot of the world in this blog but that’s cause I’m selfish. But really, is there some middle ground for ladies??? Is there something that men like that can come after kissing but before unzipping the pants??? I’m no prude but sometimes I want to slow it down a bit and feel like I have no options. Sometimes I’d like to leave the wang out of the equation……..hmmm, don’t see that working for the men folk.


Why you’ll never be able to marry a goat.

19 Jul

If these turds can be married then we can't keep calling the institution "sacred."

How often do you hear this statement against Gay Marriage, “If we allow gay marriage what’s next, people marrying animals or marrying children.” Let’s look past the obvious and disgusting comparison of Homosexuality to actual mental instability issues such as Bestiality and Pedophilia and focus on the reason that legally these issues are not the same.

The reason is the issue of consent, namely that we do not allow children or animals to consent to marriage because they lack the ability to understand what they are entering into, by our legal standards. Now, with two consenting adults be they gay, straight, bi, transgendered or asexual, you have two people fully aware of the consequences and obligations of what they are doing.

Glad we got that all cleared up, with no help from the American media who should have called bullshit on this statement the first time it was every uttered. But really this statement was always meant to confuse the issue and equate gayness with perversion.

Now that we all know this argument is bullshit, you freakshow, uber-conservative, religious fucktards need to stop using it. If you had a good argument against gay marriage (and by good I mean evidentiary based, not biblically based) you would make it and not throw out these red herrings.

Nugget of Awesomeness: A marriage certificate is a social contract, and there is no legal reason to deny two consenting adults the right to have one, no matter how much your bible says otherwise. You wanna fight about gay marriage in your church, go nuts, but when it comes to fighting the state you got nothing to go on. But I suspect you already knew that.

For Realz

30 Jun

While talking to my blog-writing/dude-advice life coach recently I asked why dudes won’t just be honest with ladies when all they want from them is sex. And if the answer is that the dudes are afraid the lady will get mad and stop humping them. The reply was a big fat YES.

So dudes will be purposefully vague or straight up lie about their intentions just to get sex on a regular basis. Way to go dudes, you should all be soooo proud.

This really gets my panties in a bunch because I am just as amenable to a purely sexual relationship as any dude. Sometimes he may not be mister right but you have great sexual chemistry, why waste that??

But it’s the dishonesty that really makes me wanna shank a bitch. I hate hate hate being led on about something, just tell me you want a humpin-only relationship so I don’t invest in what’s going on. Regardless of what society might have taught you, girlz can compartmentalize a dude into the “just sex” category and leave all the warm fuzzy feelings out of it. Believe me, I’ve done it before.

Men and women have to stop with the bullshit stereotypes, and pigeon-holding what a relationship should be. Not every girl is obsessed with puttin a ring on it and not every guy is a commitment-phobe sex-hound. And not every relationship has to be going somewhere.

Nugget of Awesomeness for the Ladies: Not every relationship has to have potential, you just need to be having fun and getting respect, that’s it. Don’t let expectations dictate how you date/hump/fall in love, own your destiny and live however you want.

Nugget of Awesomeness for Dudes: Try being honest about what you want no matter how unpopular it may be. You may find yourself shocked with how little fuss will be made over your desire to keep it sessual. Ladies like naked seski time just as much as you so don’t bullshit them about it.

Nugget of Awesomeness for Everyone: Take a hammer to the ridiculous foundations for relationships that have been placed before you, turn that shit into rubble and then rebuild it in what ever way makes you happy.



We use this book for guidance?

14 Jun

This is perfectly hilarious example of why the Bible should not be used for guidance when it comes to marriage and people’s right to the “sacred institution.” If this is supposed to be the word of God then he is a total perv, which kinda makes sense if you look at the world we live in.

21st Century Dating

4 May


I have been yelled at countless times for the fact that I like to pay for my half on a date, I suspect the anger comes from me ruining it for other ladies. Like men will catch on to the fact that we can pay for ourselves and stop footing the bill on dates. For me, it just feels weird to assume that someone else is going to pay, even on a date. The only time I ever figure I am off the hook money wise is when I dine with my parents, any other time, I pay. The whole “the guy pays” expectation makes me uncomfortable.

Also, I am fiercely independent and more than capable of providing for myself and if a guy is gonna date me then he needs to know that. I don’t need a provider, I want a lover and an awesome friend.

Recently I was messaging back and forth with my friend, Brian SmoothMFer (name change to protect his identity) about how we  get shit for not meeting up to the expectations of our genders. We started discussing the etiquette of first dates, expectations, and who should pay. Brian said one of the smartest things about the topic I have ever heard:

I’m always prepared to pay on a first date, just because I like to. But I always appreciate women who want to split the bill. I usually go with the “I’ll get dinner, you want to get the movie?”

My theory on that is I love two things: buying things for people, and getting free stuff. I don’t like splitting bills as much, it’s not as much fun.

I effin luv luv luv this idea!!!! The whole “how much is my share of the bill” thing is kind of annoying and unromantic. But if you both pay for one part of the date then everybody participates, no one takes the whole financial burden and both parties get something for free.

I think this needs to be the new dating model, the new “rules” for 21st century dating. I am sure some women who enjoy their no-money-spent dates will disagree with me, and that’s fine, but I for one like this idea.

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while it’s nice to have a guy pay for the evening but in general lets share the responsibility.

Nugget of Awesomeness: Brian SmoothMFer is a fucking genius and needs to get an award for awesomeness. And, it’s about time for an update to our dating style and I think this model is a perfect place to start. Let’s call it the Everybody Wins Dating Model.


We are family….I got all my sisters with me….

11 Mar

I ain’t got nothin against polygamy (except that even in polygamist culture a wife having more than one husband is taboo), as long as everyone participating in a consenting adult and comfortable with the situation then I say, marry whoever you want. The only reason that polygamist usually give me the shivers is because the men are usually U.G.L.Y. you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly, you ugly, you uuuuuugly. Take for instance this Sister Wives show on TLC, the husband Cody has hair like he auditioned for Color Me Badd, a face that makes Matthew McConaughey in Surfer Dude look like a genius and he dresses like a hybrid of a bible salesman, a late 90s club kid and a stoner. Nothing about this says to me that he is so awesome that women should be falling over themselves to marry him even though his already married, multiple times.

I am not one of those people who sees most polygamist relationships as similar to the weird sects that have some old dude claiming to be a messiah who marries a gazillion women and unconsenting girls. I understand that those people are not representative of polygamy as a whole. What bothers me is the over whelming sense I get that women in these situations are settling, for this man, this life, this fate. I say this because there is a gender inequality in any relationship that allows a certain behavior from the man but not the women. If the man is free to marry as many women as he wants (I do understand that the sister wives have input towards the decision) and the woman is not allowed to marry other men, there is a power imbalance. However this power imbalance is justified it does not stop it from existing and subjugating the freedoms of the women in these relationships. I think all relationships should be founded on equality and in one-sided polygamy that is not possible. That is my beef with it.

Hey, didn’t I just say I don’t care who marries who? Yep. I believe everyone should have the right to marry as they see fit but that doesn’t mean I agree with all of their life choices. I don’t think I have to agree with everything in order to approve of people’s right to do it.

Nugget of Awesomeness: Like I said before, as long as everyone involved is a consenting and well-informed adult then go nuts with the nuptials. But before you do, give some thought to what  you get out of it and to whether or not you are being treated as an equal, with equal respect and consideration.

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