Tag Archives: Excuses

Grey Balls

18 Jul

Love your witty profile.

 Jul 18, 2011 – 10:53am

Please check out my profile.

Jul 18, 2011 – 12:36pm

Umm….eh….not gonna happen. Here’s why, you are effin old!!! Okay, I wouldn’t really send a message telling dude he’s too old, or would I (strokes chin in mischievous manner) No, I wouldn’t.

But dude is 46 which is a decade older than my age range. Not to mention the fact that he did not impress me with his messages and he’s ugly. And I have a strict No Old-Balls Policy which I am thinkin about including as part of my profile.

How bitchy do you think I will come off as if at the top of my profile it said “No Old-Balls!!!!” ??????????????

Will dudes even get what I am trying to say there????

Nugget of Awesomeness: It’s adorable that older men try to get with me but not so much so that I would respond. I am just not ready to start banging dudes with grey pubes, nothin personal.



Crazy like a loon

12 Jul

I always though myself different from other girls about romantic issues, I don’t have much desire for marriage or babies so I had none of the common hang-ups that kill relationships via crazy expectations. This lead me to believe that I was not a crazy girl, I was outside the box.

Last week on a whim, I checked out a book at the library called “What French Women Know” by Debra Ollivier, the writer is an American woman who married a Frenchmen and moved to his homeland where she learned a lot about the difference in amorous relationships for Americans and the french.

I can be sure that the content of the book does not apply to every french person but regardless, I was jealous of the freedom that seems inherent in the french love culture. They have no real word for dating, you just hang out with people you like and flirt and see where it goes. Defining a relationship takes the mystery and passion from it so why bother. The french have great love affairs, don’t worry about where it’s going, do not feel the pressure to relinquish all their secrets (they find it sexier not too) and your partner does not need to be your best friend.

Americans on the other-hand need things defined, we need to know where we stand, know all the secrets and ask all the right questions so we can evaluate the potential for long-term success and happiness.

Basically, the french enjoy the thing itself but Americans must feel they know the thing, inside and out, backwards and forwards.

Here’s the thing, I always thought I placed no expectations on my dating life, just fancy free girl seeing where life will take her. But I was wrong. I cut and run quickly once a relationships take a turn into areas of uncertainty for me, as soon as I can’t figure out exactly what is going on then I have to bail. My brain just can’t take the not knowing and I start to go crazy.

But why can’t I take the mystery????

Because somewhere in the back of my subconscious I have a need to know, to have it all defined. Like all ladies, I can not escape the trappings of American socialization, I want what I have been told to want.

Don’t miss understand me, I am not blaming society for my problem with dudes, I am way more fucked up than that. I am just accepting that I am a product of my environment and that I too suck at letting a relationship naturally bloom.

It is with great sadness that I admit to the world that I am as crazy as the next bitch….

Nugget of Awesomeness: I’d like to just throw out a blanket apology to all the men who may have encountered my crazy, some of you deserved it, some of you did not. My bad…


Which is worse???

30 Jun


Is it worse that your friend has jerked-off listening to you and your girlfriend have sex on several occasions or that he has heard all the dumb shit you talk about afterwards????

Reason #4,927 why I will never have kids.

3 Jun

Every bad thing you do can now be caught on video and played on an endless loop for the whole world to laugh at.



For fucks sake, dude!!! If you’re gonna drop the kid you should have at least caught the ball. DOUBLE FAIL!!!!

Attention must be paid.

24 May


 Things that happened on my way to work today:

  • First, a college kids wanders into the middle of the street I am driving down, doesn’t look just heads across it, I honk and he doesn’t notice. As I drive past I realize he has earplugs in and is listening to music, completely oblivious to the fact that he could have been hit by my car.
  • A few blocks later a woman blindly pulls out of a parking lot and over shoots the turn and veers into my lane where she would have sideswiped me if I hadn’t braked. As I drive past her, I see the problem, she is too busy stuff her face with breakfast to bother paying attention to her driving.
  • I thankfully get my car parked and begin my 8 block walk into work, I am stopped at a cross walk because it says don’t walk and the traffic has the right of way. A woman on a cell phone walks right past me into the intersection and stops traffic, never realizing she didn’t have the light.

Is it too much to fucking ask that people pay attention to what they are doing?!?!?!?!? How about society collectively takes its head out of its ass and realize that more is going on than just whats happening to any one person.

This is one of my main problems with our culture, particularly American culture, the absolute selfish nature of most people. People confuse their self-centered behavior as “freedom.” Sure, you have the “freedom” to talk on your phone whenever you want but when you get hit by a car because you blindly wandered into the street don’t expect any sympathy, you fucking jackass.

Nugget of Awesomeness: Life is happening around you, not because of you or to accommodate you, so get over yourself. Take the time to give a shit and pay attention to living you life in a way that doesn’t infringe on other people. It’s called being aware and considerate, it ain’t that hard. Anyone who fails to do it is a lazy, jerkface that deserves to have bad things happen to them. You want your life to get better, then quit being an asshole.

I’m Not That Type of Girl

17 May


I'm THIS type of WOMAN!!!!

About 9 months ago I was involved in a road rage incident, the abridged version of the story is this:

The driver of another car failed to yield my right of way in a turn-around in a public park and would have hit me if I hadn’t slammed on the brakes, I laid on the horn because the driver was on the phone and seemed to be unaware he had done anything wrong. I drove up the street a little ways and parked to meet a friend for jogging. The guy driving the car followed me and as I was getting out of the car he pulled up behind me, blocked me in, then proceeded to act like I was being rude for honking at him. After trying to explain what the guy had done wrong and getting nowhere but yelled at I told the guy maybe he should learn how to drive. Then this 6 ft tall, muscular dude got out of his car to, as he put it, “put me in my place.”

Dude walked up to me and stood 6 inches from my face but I stood my ground, did not move or flinch, stared him in the eyes the whole time and told him if he put his hands on me I would have him arrested. He eventually walked back to his car and was about to get in when he said “fuck you!” so I said “fuck you too!” He got back out of his car and approached me again, this time closer to my face and with his arm raised to hit me and he just kept repeating “say fuck you to me again.” I’m not stupid, so I didn’t say it but I did say “Do you feel good about this? I’m half your size, does it make you feel good to do this?” This shamed him into getting back into is car and leaving, not before I got his license plate to give to the police. Yes, I filed a police report. No, they never caught him.

The surprising thing is the reactions people had to the incident, specifically men’s reactions. Don’t get me wrong, most people, guy or lady, were supportive and sympathized with me but I got some, well, sexist reactions from men. There was a lot of “you shouldn’t have gotten out of you car”, “you should have just driven to the police station”, “you shouldn’t have instigated” or my personal favorite that I might be at fault for the incident because I honked at the dude.

Let’s ignore the fact that I was already out of the car when the dude pulled up or that driving to the police station was impossible because my car was blocked in, I want to talk about the idea that it was my fault somehow. NO!!! It was not my fault, this man drove dangerous, almost hit my car and then decided to be belligerent and threaten me physically, everything I did was in defense of that. I was merely defending myself. Did I do it in a lady like manner, absolutely not. And that should not change whose fault it was.

And the idea that I would cower in fear in my car is laughable. Anyone who knows me should know that’s not an option, I meet challenges head-on, that’s how I roll. This is not a bad thing, and probably would have been applauded if I had a penis instead of a vagina. Try imagining a man in my circumstance being told to hide in the car, yah, you can’t cause it wouldn’t happen. We accept that men will defend themselves in dangerous circumstances but for women we expect them to seek help or shelter but why? Why wouldn’t women defend themselves?

It made me really sick to think that I had been through something like this and was being blamed for it by some of my male peers because I failed to play my role as the “woman” appropriately. I guess I was supposed to flee into my car, calling the police in tears to make the bad man go away.

To all that disagree with how I handled myself I have this to say:

You will get no apologizes from me cause I am not sorry for anything I did. When confronted and cornered I will defend myself in the best way possible, which I think I did in this incident. The incident was not my fault and I will take no part of the blame. If you don’t like how I handled myself then you can FUCK OFF!!!!!

P.S. Please eat a big bag of shit for trying to blame me for what happened.





Keep it on the DL

25 Feb

I will be honest with ya. I
am looking for a discreet
relationship. Someone to chat
with online and then meet from
time to time on a discreet
basis. I am in a relationship
hence why it would have to be on
the dl. Its a long story.. But
ever since coming home from Iraq
things have not been on the up
and up. I understand if this is
not for you. But just let me
know either way

I am back on Plenty O Fish for less than an hour and already I am getting asked for anonymous sex, good to know nothing has changed in my absence. Kudos to this guy for his honesty, he lays it all out there for me so I can make an informed decision but…he also tries to excuse his cheatin ways. Am I suppose to take pity on you because your relationship has suffered since you got back from Iraq? Well, I don’t. Maybe instead of looking for strange poon on the interwebs you should be working on your relationship. Or maybe you should be honest with your lady and tell her it isn’t working out and you want to see other people. I am completely in favor of polyamorous relationships but only when all people are aware of the arrangement and agreeable to it. You can make all the lame excuses you want for your wandering dick but the truth is you are cheating on your girlfriend or wife or whatnot.

When shit starts getting too awful between you and the misses, you break up! Your problems become irreconcilable, you take the next train to Splitsville! You don’t start chasing strange tail on the internet, there is absolutely NO way that this will do anything to help your situation. Gettin your dick wet with another woman is not a solution to your relationship problems, it is a cowardly move taken to ensure you keep getting some while your relationship falls apart and you wait it out till she breaks up with you so you don’t look like an asshole.

Nugget of Awesome: If you cheat, you’re a Douche-bag! You are also a coward and a phony. As always happens in these situations, you will be caught and I hope you get all the shit you deserve for your dishonesty and betrayal. Eat Shit, dude!

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