Confession Goulash- Boobs Edition

I once competed for the title of Sausage Queen. My talent was shoving a beer in my cleavage, hands free pouring it into a glass and then chugging the beer. A female friend motor-boated my dewy, beer boobs as a finale. Some how I lost the competition. Humanity FAIL.

Confession Ghoul-ashe #5

When I’m at a restaurant and get 2 sides with a dish I want to order french fries AND mashed potatoes but I don’t. I’m afraid people will judge my insane love of potatoes so I order green-beans or salad instead. 

Confession Goggly-goop #4

I’ve had multiple sex dreams about Drew Carey. And not skinny Drew Carey, it was Fat Drew Carey. And not gross sex dreams like super hott sex dreams.

Confession Goulash #3

When I was a kid I ripped the roof of my mouth off with a broken golf club. You know all those bumps and ridges you have on the roof of you mouth?? I don’t have them.

Confession Goulash #2

I once had a lengthy conversation among friends about the difference between double stuff and double penetration. The answer…..

• Double stuff = 2 dicks, 1 hole
• Double penetration= 2 dicks, 2 holes

Confession Gulash #1

When I see a Book of the Month sign my inner monologues sings ♪ It’s the book of the month ♪ to the tune of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony’s “First of the Month.”